God thinks I'm beautiful!
Recently some conversations and events have dredged up old patterns of thinking. I could tell because my reaction was: I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to think about this anymore. That's my warning sign that it's important, it's bugging me a lot, but I just really want to go into denial and repression. So, I sat with God with it, and got to the point of recognizing the woundedness from the divorce. Again. I thought I was done with that. Oh, Lord, it's so discouraging that it keeps coming back. I want it to be over, don't you? Don't you get tired of me having to talk to you about this again?
So this morning I sat with God and prayed that wonderful question Ray taught us to ask: How do you see me, God? As I waited on Him, an annoying neighborhood dog started yapping, and I smiled and thought, Am I annoying like that, God? And I looked up in the direction of the yapping, and God said No, look there, that's how I see you - as I focused on the rosebush across the patio. It's beautiful right now, 6 or 7 pink buds just beginning to blossom. That just makes me start to tear up, that God sees me like that.
That rosebush is re-planted in a 5-gallon pot from its original 6 in pot, gi
ven to me 3 or 4 years ago by Diane when we were in the WOW small group. It's the only mini-rose I've ever had that survived my haphazard care. It nearly died several times in the hot West Covina summers because I forgot to water it, but when I pruned the dead branches it kept coming back. A few months ago it developed black spot, so now I check it regularly and remove any damaged leaves.
And that's how God sees me right now: a survivor, with residual damage, in need of regular care from my heavenly Gardener, but beautiful. The roses are blooming. I feel much better now. Being in God's presence does that.
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