back in the pit

Here I am again, back in the pit. I don’t like it here. But nonetheless here I am, struggling with feelings of worry, anxiety and a sense of hopelessness. I don’t like to feel this way. But I this is where I am and this is what I am feeling.

Last week, I received notification from my insurance company that my request to see a spine specialist was declined. I intend to appeal, but presently lack the fortitude to proceed in that direction.

Instead, the insurance company wants me to undergo pain management therapy (whatever that is). My first pain management session is this Thursday, this of course means additional out of pocket expense.

How do I get out of the pit? I know from past experience that I cannot get out on my own, I need help. I need to admit that I cannot do anything to help my situation other than ask for and receive help.

I am struggling with feelings of despondency, hopelessness and sadness. I have cried out to the Lord for help, I am waiting for Him to deliver me. I hope He, His angels and possibly others intervene soon.

I can’t help but wonder if I will ever get and feel better. I wonder if life will ever be worth living. Or am I to plod along through life falling into one pit after another.

I wonder if I will ever get out of debt, let alone be able to retire someday in the very distant future. I wonder if I will ever be able to walk or stand without pain. I wonder if I will ever know rest and peace again. I wonder if I will have the capacity to work full time again.

My relentless pain and diminished physical capacity is pushing me into deeper levels of depression. I have increased feelings of fatigue, exhaustion and weakness. Perhaps I need to seek professional help for my depression.

Things do not seem to be getting better; I seem to be getting worse. My pain is increasing. My depression is getting deeper. I hate to think of what else might happen.

Please pray for me. Ask God to pour into and over me increasingly more of His love, grace, mercy, and compassion. Pray that He would lift me up and out of the pit. Please pray that my body, soul, mind, spirit and finances will once again be blessed and restored.

Humbly, Rick