happy new year!

One of the interesting things about looking at sunrise pictures is that they look a lot like sunset pictures. It's hard to tell whether it's a sunrise or sunset, which I guess is an appropriate way to look at New Year's Day. Is it the beginning of a new year or the end of an old year? Well, both, of course.

As we begin a new year, it's a good time to look back with awe at the faithfulness of God and to remember all the instances of His love and provision, all the answers to prayer. And with that in mind we can look forward with hope, certain that God's grace and presence are ours as we seek Him and live by faith. My hope for all of us this new year is in Ephesians 1:18-19 . . .

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know* the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe.

.

May your 2009 be filled with that hope, riches, and power!

Happy New Year!

(*note that word know is an all-encompassing word that includes experience, emotion, lifestyle, way of life; it means to really know. )

survey responses continued, part 2

I feel so blessed every time I read the responses from the survey taken last Sunday at church. I really appreciate everyone who shared how God answered or changed them through prayer. It was always my intention that in asking you to pray for CBC that God would work in you and grow you as much as it was my hope/faith that God would lead us as a church. Prayer changes things, not just the things we pray for, but it changes us as we learn to seek God and depend on Him.

Yesterday I posted the survey responses to the first statement (they are below). Today I am posting the responses to the second statement. 25% of the respondents had something to say about this. Here's what you said about how praying for CBC changed you, made a difference, or revealed something:

•led me/encouraged me to reach out, share, be more open with family members
•was more relaxed, less stressed throughout the time of prayer
•I started reading the Bible
•seeing a change in attitude or thoughts towards 2 specific persons – nipping habit of bad thoughts – more grace
•I cannot outgive God, he gives more to me that I can give back
•its importance
•God has helped me through some rough/stressful times at work
•helped me pray on a regular daily basis, something I didn’t do before. God has revealed to me that things in life become more clear through prayer. I also believe I can hear God more.
•helped me “think” using my heart
•God revealed his abundant blessings on me & my family though CBC. We have been so lovingly welcomed into this church community
•even though I feel so unworthy, God still was able to use me for His glory. Also, to surrender everything to Him
•reminded me of needs of several others in church outside regular group of church friends
•re-confirmed that this is the church home for my family
•being part of a church family is important and having that family pray for me gives me peace knowing there are others that care for me
•able to get more involved in church activities such as worship and programs
•know who close friends are
•opening up more in our small group and getting closer
•how important it is to support CBC with prayers, encouraged me to pray
•importance of daily prayer for CBC has made a difference in my life. I still wear the bracelet
•general burden - conviction to pray for our church
•I feel very blessed and would like to help others feel the same
•I got the privilege of participating and starting my own blog site – I’ve enjoyed it a lot – it’s been great reading change in the leadership

survey responses part 1

Yesterday at church we took a brief survey about what God is doing as you prayed for 100 days. There were 101 respondents, 19 said they prayed regularly on most days, 82 prayed sometimes. (Note: I think this does not include the staff, I didn't fill out a survey, and I think most of the staff did not.) We asked you to respond to 2 statements. Today I will post responses to the first statement, tomorrow I will post responses to the 2nd statement.

The first statement was: God answered a prayer for me and/or for CBC . . . 49% of you had a specific answer to prayer. Here's what you said about how God answered your prayers:

•trust him more, become more trusting, optimistic, able to calm my reaction and anger to bad circumstances
•my sister has started attending church
•my father’s salvation
•my daughter found a job
•friends who came to Christmas service
•healing for pinched nerve, son got engaged, not to worry so much about future health problems
•grandaughter was in hospital 3 nights. I prayed and prayed and sure enough, right after church one Sunday, they released her
•finding rest in my identity in Christ after dealing with a broken relationship
•keeping my friends & family safe during the year
•good health, taking care of my grandpa and his health
•less shoulder and back pain
•health while traveling
•for my son
•God told me to try again to pray for next 100 days
•survived the Christmas season!
•had a great Christmas, will have a great New Years with cousin
•prayed for good weather for New Years, for family to arrive safely from Hawaii
•I tried many times to fix the leak but failed, I prayed and it has finally stopped
•financial needs – I received money as gifts which was desperately needed
•keep us connected at CBC, we live far away
•prayed for Brandon – he lost weight (I didn’t pray for that!) maybe he’s healthier
•Rick’s heart to soften and be able to receive support & love from others, know God has not abandoned him during this very trying time
•eased challenges at my workplace, opened new possibilities of growth at CBC
•times with God have been more regular. Hope that CBC staff have felt renewed – that’s what I’ve prayed for the most
•God uses benevolence fund to allow church members to help each other during difficult financial times
•recently graduated from college in June and it has been a lonely and difficult adjustment. I’ve been praying for a community or small group and recently joined the career young adult group. It has truly been an answered prayer
•small group has become more active
•small group has grown spiritually and in number, deeper sharing & discussion
•He is growing our small group into a family
•making the college group grow closer to one another
•CBC has grown more as an entity, relationships have grown much too
•bringing forth people to serve at CBC
•Christmas program was a blessing
•saw support at retreat
•sermons more caring, spirit of fellowship evident
•I have been praying for CBC and the staff and I believe God is doing wonderful things to create unity and spiritual growth
•hopefully CBC is a better place
•deliverance and spiritual breakthrough on Sat morning prayer times with me and others who came – the mornings have been better than before

Isn't God good? Aren't you glad we prayed? I hope you'll keep praying regularly, consistently, for yourself and for our church. Answers to statement #2 will be posted tomorrow.

merry christmas everyone!

And they will call him Immanuel, which means, God with us. (Matt. 1:23)

Christmas wishes for

peace,

hope,

joy,

the presence of Jesus,

and the soft, clear light He brings.

Christmas Poem

Evasia's Poem she wrote during Cafe Fuego this past Saturday 12/20/08!

Christmas Morning

I can hear the angels singing

A chorus that has my name

Of one who has been forgiven

Free from all my guilt and shame.

In the darkness where I was hidden

A light shone there so bright

It reminded me of Christmas

On the night of Jesus’ light.

He reached down there from heaven

In the most unlikely place

To touch and heal the forgotten

And show us His love and grace.

My heart longs for His presence

That void within my soul

He gives meaning to my existence

And guides me to the goal.

And on that Christmas morning

I see a tree there with Him

I feel I have nothing there to offer

To one who has all power there within.

My head hangs low in silence

And the tears roll gently down

I feel lost and so unworthy

Yet He echoes another sound.

“Open your eyes,” He gently whispers

Under the tree He has a present there from me

Tear stained and yet so tattered

But His excitement you can see.

I know what you have offered

And the value you do not see

But it’s the best gift you could offer

All of you freely given now to Me.

Written by. E.A. Holle

12-20-2008

Dedicated to all my Café Fuego sojourners

Have a Fuego-Ho-Ho Christmas!

pray 4 cbc ends in a week, but don't stop praying!

As we come into the last week of the 100 days of praying for CBC, I was scrolling thru some of my past blog entries. This has been kind of like journaling for me - I'm not a very dedicated journaler, lately it's been about 5-10 times a year, which is to say not very consistently. So this has been a kind of substitute journal. And as I read my old posts, I discovered that back in October, I wrote: I've been praying that God would grow me as a leader. Maybe I need to pray that I become a better follower . . . following Him.

And it occurs to me that God has been answering that prayer to be a better follower, and that in being a better follower, I feel better about being a leader. Last week I shared in the message about how I have felt a new level of power (and less need to rehearse), and also how I have felt greater peace to trust Him for some difficult conversations. In both cases, I haven't done anything differently, but there is a sense of more freedom to allow God to take charge, to be able to listen and not stress about what to say, to trust that He will guide my words and use them, to not take control, to not stress, to not feel responsible for things I can't control; in essense, to follow. Hmm . . . kinda neat, huh?

That's why I should get back to journaling. I don't remember praying that prayer, but since I wrote it down in the blog, I can see that God has answered in pretty significant ways. So many of my prayers are not specific and quantifiable (like that one). How many other prayers have I prayed and forgotten, and didn't recognize that He answered?


So thanks again to all of you who have been praying for me. I really hope you won't stop praying for me and for CBC. On Sunday there's going to be a little survey for you all to fill out because we want to know what God is doing in your lives as you pray. For you faithful blog readers, here's the 2 questions that I think are going to be on the questionnaire (I'm writing it, so I have the inside scoop :) but it might change before it goes to print). You can be thinking about them:

What prayers has God answered for you and/or for CBC?
In what way has praying changed you, made a difference, or revealed something to you?

And don't feel you have to write a lot or make it complicated. I'm compiling the answers, and it's a lot easier if your answers are brief, to the point . . . and legible!!!!

prayer request

Joanne and Lou sent us the following prayer request. You may or may not know them, as they have returned to our church family a few months ago after several years in northern Calif. You may have heard Lia's adorably squeaky shoes as she ambles around after 2nd service. Please stop and pray for 2 year old (I think she's 2) Lia's surgery for cleft palate tomorrow. Joanne writes:

Lia will be having her surgery this Friday the 19th. We would appreciate prayers for this procedure. We will be checking her in at 6:30AM at the Kaiser in West LA. She is first on the schedule and will stay overnight. Lindsey will spend the weekend with my sister and this will be the first time she has been away from both Lou and I. We are confident that Lia will do fine. She is tough and a fighter, I'm the one who will need the anesthesia to calm me down! Thank you again for your prayers and support.

100 Days of Prayer Break through... for me!

This past Sunday Donna asked us to stand... I didn't... I felt no need to... I was in a good place... Cafe Fuego has been a great place for healing and deliverance for me, I felt no inner tug to do so... little did I know that in a few moments I would be set free from demonic activity... during worship the Lord wanted me to go to my "sweet spot"... He asked me to give him things that were on my heart... when I gave Him my son, I began to cry... I had no compassion for him... I needed to receive love for my son... Jesus asked me to now receive compassion from Him... in doing so tears began to flow... there was no end to my Father's extravagant giving... as fast as I could place into my empty heart, God continued to replenished me with more... Ray came over during this process and asked God to give me more... as I was filled up Ray asked God to give me joy... I began to laugh and be filled with God's joy... I could see old wounds from adolescent years being healed and demons fleeing... the harder the laughter the greater the wound being healed... this went on for some time after service and then a strange warmth enveloped me like a cocoon of peace... as I lay there I noticed a gaping wound still fresh and open... Ray saw it too and noticed the demons of rage and power exposed to be cast out... they could no longer hide behind the other wounds... I was able to repent and ask God to forgive me of the sin of rage and power from the third and fourth generation... from my belly and loud scream came out of me and I was delivered from these hideous demons that had latched on to a past wound of my dad physically abusing my mom... Ray commanded all other spirits to be quiet and the demon of power quietly left me back to the pit of Hell where it belonged... I was set free and cleaned out... past wounds healed... compassion and peace filled those areas that were once occupied with rage, anger, and power... years of pain instantly gone by the power of Jesus! I was set free to love my family as God had intended... full of compassion, mercy, and grace...
December 14th, 2008, 10:30am, Bob was set free from the bondage of rage and anger...
Thank you Donna for listening to God and taking all of us on this journey called prayer...
There was a break through and it happened inside of me!

Smell the coffee... Fuego Bob

prayer and small groups

My daughter Tracey called me last night and asked me if my "magical" small group is still meeting because she wanted us to pray for something. We laughed about that, but she was serious in asking for prayer about a situation that she didn't know what to do about. So even though the small group is on a holiday break, I emailed the request to the small group and already a couple of them have emailed back that they have prayed for her.

We laugh about the magical part, but in the career young adult small group we are amazed every week to hear what God is doing. We've seen God answer prayers about jobs, missions trips, ministries, friends, family, illnesses, salvation, tests, school. I only know this, because early on, someone commented that God was answering all our prayers. So now, we're really careful about following up and asking each other about the requests and about telling each other when something happens.

Last Tuesday I asked them to pray for my theology final at APU. It's an essay exam, we choose 4 of the 6 questions to answer, and part of the struggle of being an older student is that my mind can't remember details like it used to. I make note cards, carry them wherever I go and memorize as much as I can. On the drive to school for the exam, I had a sense that a section I didn't know well would be on the test, so I studied it as I drove to school. And when I got to the class, I looked at the final and thought, I know everything on this test - 3 of the 6 questions were things I had just studied on the drive. I have never looked at an exam and had that sense of confidence that I could answer all the questions. I just thanked God for my small group.

It makes me wonder, what is God up to in this group? It's a little funny that I'm suspicious of God's faithfulness :) I'm sure it's not because we're any better than anyone else in praying. But I wonder . . . does God have important things ahead for these young people so that He wants them to know they can really trust him? Or did God answer prayers this consistently in other small groups I've been in and we just never noticed? Recognizing that God really does answer prayer makes us really want to ask, seek, and pray more.

seeing progress

Today Donna spoke about making a stand against sin. But it's hard sometimes when you don't see progress. We get discouraged and down and sometimes, well, its just easier to give up. But I have to say that prayer really does help. The other day, I got a parking ticket. It was my fault, I was in a rush and didn't realize I was in a red zone. So I paid the city of Pasadena $49... Now awhile back I had realized that when stuff like that would happen, I'd be angry for the rest of the day. It would leak over to other people as well and there'd just be a negativity to the air. But I knew that that kind of behavior was destructive and unhealthy. So I prayed that God would help to heal my inner anger and help me to deal with those things in a better method. Well after I got this ticket, I realized that I really wasn't that angry. In fact, I had just come from a really good prayer meeting where I felt blessed with great friends at school. And that was enough. God has already given me so much... And as I drove away, I realized it was answered prayer. God had given progress... I could see hope, that there was healing! And praise God for that! I never really did anything conciously, but He worked quietly, giving me grace and patience. I know if left to my own devices, I'd be a very angry person... but God is good and He really does answer.

processing the losses of life and relationship

During this time of year, I become increasingly more nostalgic. I think about how things used to be in my life. I look back on some of my past with fond memories; other parts of my life I’m not so happy with.

I think of friends, family, and events. I haven’t seen some of my family in years. Sometimes with families, something happens that causes a divide and misunderstanding. This results in certain family members no longer being included in family events. Years go by and the divide gets wider. As I think about it now, I no longer see or talk with more than half of my extended family.

I am trying to remember what happened, what caused these divides. To me, it really never makes sense. I’m not saying it does not mean something to the other parties involved. To me, it just does not seem to warrant an ongoing separation.

This sometimes happens with friends as well. At one time, I considered some of my friends very close, unfortunately I no longer communicate with some of them. Now, I wonder why, what happened? Did we just drift apart? Did our lives just suddenly become so different? Sometimes you just choose to disassociate.

Sometimes it is just time that divides us. Rather than getting together weekly or monthly we get together once a year, maybe for Christmas or birthdays. Or maybe we only see each other at significant life events, for me its funeral services.

It is only during this time of year that I recognize this. I wonder if it because of Christmas or the end of the year. Whatever the cause, I am in this mode again, looking back at some of the events of my life.

Maybe it’s the picture Christmas cards that I receive. Some families get larger and others smaller. Some families divide due to failed relationships. Some get smaller due to physical death.

I think that this is what I am feeling at the moment, the loss of some really close friends. I tend to be closer to friends than my family. When I lose a friend, it hurts me deeply. Yes, this is what I am feeling, the loss of some close friends.

Each year, it feels like I am losing more and more friends. Sometimes it is due to divorce, sometimes it is due to changes in church affiliation, sometimes it is due to misunderstandings.

I tend to have a smaller number of close relationships. So when I lose someone, it hurts me deeply. This past year is no exception. Due to a series of tragic events, I lost my support group. I did not realize it until just now.

Last weekend, we had a reunion. It had been over a year, since we last gathered as a support group. We got together once this year, to say goodbye to one of our members.

So, now I understand why I am feeling so sad and depressed. Last weekend’s gathering must have stirred up some old unresolved emotions. I began feeling the feelings, but I did not know why. Now I know I haven’t grieved the loss of my support group, not to mention the significance of a few of the members.

If you feel led, please pray for me as I process these losses in my life. Pray for the Lord to bless me with His peace and reassurance. Pray that I would know and experience His joy, grace and compassion. Thank you for your support and for listening, Rick

Ahh, Christmas is here . . .

Now that there's just me, I think twice about whether to get a tree or not. I think about again asking some stranger to hold the tree up so I can see if it's straight, then hauling it home, and dragging it into the house. And wrestling it into the stand and trying to get it to stop leaning.

But for me, Christmas doesn't begin until the tree goes up. It's not for the kids, it's for me. I don't listen to insipid carols (sorry, Rick) in November, I don't buy gifts if I go shopping on Black Friday (only things for me), I might pull out the box of decorations, but nothing comes out of it until I get the tree. Must be some nature thing, huh?

So I bought my tree today, got it up and partially decorated. I'm listening to Christmas carols, and thinking again, Wow, Lord, look what you did this year. As I put up the star and the lights, and pull out the memory-laden ornaments, I am moved to remember and filled with gratitude at how God has blessed me . . .

Look, Lord, look how you challenged me to grow and enabled me to do the impossible, look at the people you brought into my life and how you blessed me through their friendship, look at how you provided above all that I could think or imagine. Look at my house and my garden, my office and my books, my church and my ministry, my kids and their spouses and careers and ministries and growth, and my friends and their milestones and answers to prayer . . . Thank you, Lord. I am so grateful.

.

All that from a Christmas tree. I hope you have something that draws you away from the shopping and stress of Christmas. Something that makes Christmas magical and blessed and hopeful. Something that fills you with the wonder of God's presence and provision and the joy of the glory of Jesus' coming.

The angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord." (Lk 2:10)

Using My Spiritual Language... best thing since sliced bread!

This week has been especially hard for me at work, at home, and with the family... I began to lose sleep and feeling very anxious... there is a scripture in the Bible that talks about worry as rats gnawing in the attic... that's what it felt like... worry and stress gnawing away in my head... never allowing me to rest... robbing me of all my joy... I would pray with Nancy but nothing seemed to work... then I remembered that praying in the Spirit always helped me when I was feeling this way in the past... so as thoughts crossed my mind, instead of praying the old fashioned way (like snail mail)... in English... from head to mouth... I bypassed that... and went from heart to mouth (like High Speed Internet communication directly to the Heavenly places as my tongue started flapping away... my thoughts immediately turned into simple one syllable sounds... sounding like simple babble talk and sounding very much like how I started using it 20 plus years ago... of course after years and years of doing this, I've learned that those simple sounds transforms my thoughts and emotions directly to Heaven where Jesus is seated right next to God Father interceding for me... information that I don't even know pours out of my mouth as if uncorked... finally stress and feeling anxious begin to fade and a spirit of rest comes over me... it's indescribable...
... it really is the best gift God has given me for my own personal use...

This will be my Christmas gift to all of you...

Believe it or not... this is how I received my spiritual language that I use all the time.

It's as easy as 1,2,3... (or the breathing in and breathing out)
1. Simply ask God for it (that's what I did)....if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?... how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (Matt 7:9,11)

2. In the privacy of your own room or car (that's what I did) open your mouth and start babbling... dadadada...lalalala... anything but you have to verbalize it out loud... even if it is whispered (trust me... it seems foolish... you have to press through this... it took me 100 times by alone by myself to feel comfortable doing it)

3. Thank Him for the gift you have just received by faith (it took me a few months of thanking for my gift before I really thought it was my special gift; this was over twenty five years ago... and it wasn't until 15 years ago I realized how special this gift really was)... and now I use it all the time to intercede for myself and for others... as thoughts come up... I just use it...

When you feel unsure just repeat this prayer..."Thank you Jesus for my special gift you've given me... even though it feels weird I have the faith that you would not give me a stone when I ask for bread... in this case my Heavenly language. Amen"

(If you are like me you will have to repeat this prayer a hundred times when doubt enters into your thoughts.)

Now... use it... when you are depressed, feel hopeless, over whelmed, anxious, worried, angry, upset, joyful, happy, excited, gloomy, worshipping, praying, interceding, burdened... whenever... the Holy Spirit in you knows exactly what to pray for... it's truly an amazing gift for us... walls will come tumbling down as you allow the Holy Spirit to use you to pray this way... I can testify to this because it has happened in my life... and now it will happen in yours!

Don't let Satan tell you different...

Don't forget to thank me later...trust me on this one... it's the best thing since sliced bread!

Don't wait until Christmas to open up my present to you... hohoho.

Smell the coffee!

True Lifeline

Last week I blogged about letting go and trusting God, and how hard that is when the uncertain path includes loved ones. (Let Go, Trust God). Lessa's doctor instructed me not to supplement her intravenously with fluids even if she has major fluid losses. (I was allowed to attempt standard hydrating oral solutions though she has a limit to how much she can tolerate). If necessary, I would bring her into his office or the ER for assessment.


This week we saw her specialist.....the plan is to remove her intravenous catheter line in early January entirely. Yikes!

It's a weird feeling. I have a mixture of anticipated relief and anticipated helplessness.

I've waited for this decision for almost three years. We have indications she'll be okay. She's made progress. We've survived two fluid meltdowns in the last month and we were able to keep her out of the ER. And once the line is out, I look forward to the assurance that any random fever is more likely a normal infection rather than a serious and dangerous blood infection .

However, our journey does not end once the line is out. Lessa (and our family) still have a long road ahead. Her body is not the same as it was before (afterall, her anatomy is altered after having two major surgeries ). She has yet to regain the ability to process more advanced formulas. All of her GI idiosyncrasies don't change with the line removal. With all of these factors, unpredictable fluid losses is the only certainty.

So, I pray. I wait for God's assuring voice. I wait for God's instructions when an emergency arises. I wait for Him to stir up the intuition, the knowledge, the experiences He has given me the last several years and use it to navigate the next bend in the road and what pops out just around it.

And though this catheter was her lifeline for three years, and gave me some sense of control over her situation, God is reminding me that He is ultimately her lifeline and that He is in control and He will guide me as we navigate this next journey together.

Your prayers for Lessa are appreciated.

Blessings,

jane

More of God

"Lord I pray for more of You in my life". That was the first prayer I prayed this morning as I sat and waited on God. At first I didn't sense anything, but then all of a sudden the Holy Spirit came. I felt the power of His presence. It was like electricity going through my entire body. How wonderful it is to be in His presence!

As I was sitting there, God gave me a picture of a man who was kind of dirty and his face was expressionless. He seemed depressed and there was a sense of sadness and a lack of hope in his life. Then I was surprised to see a sandwich appear. The man picked it up and started eating it. I thought the whole scenario was a little odd, but as I continued to view the scene I could see a smile and a sign of hope this sandwich was giving this man. Then the picture faded, but I could still sense God's presence with me. I know God was trying to speak to me through these pictures, but I could only guess that He might be revealing something that could be a future ministry opportunity for me or our church body.

God is with us 24/7 and He will guide and direct each of us through this journey called "life". We only need to ask and seek Him. This verse came to mind as I'm writing this: "Behold I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me." (Rev. 3:20)
We often times think of this verse as evangelistic, but the Lord was addressing this to believers at the church in Laodicea who were Christians that were nether hot or cold - just luke warm. Yuk!!!

My hope and desire is to always be in God's presence and to be on fire for Him! I hope that this might be your desire also. Would you join me in seeking after His Kingdom and intimacy with Jesus? Each of us is special and unique in our way of hearing from God. Some will receive pictures from God just like He gave me today. Others will get a word, color, a feeling or sense or for some might be able to hear His "small still voice". Whatever way God speaks to you, seek after Him. God will meet you where you're at and He will make a big impact on your life as well as the lives of others. Would you join me and pray the prayer I prayed today for your own life - "Lord I pray for more of You in my life"? See what marvelous and wonderful things He can and will do in your life.

Blessings,
Ray

reconnected

This last week, I was able to reconnect with my heart. During these past few months, due to my dire circumstances, I retreated and withdrew from my heart. I sought to self protect from feeling all of my emotional pain. I really hate doing that, because it is so hard to reconnect and feel again. I call it walling off. I try and protect myself from outside influences. Unfortunately, this barrier isolates me; I cannot receive blessing or goodness.

A few weeks ago, I prayed to break down this wall of protection. Last week, this prayer was answered. I received a most wonderful and generous anonymous gift of kindness, mercy and grace. My heart was and continues to be overwhelmed with gratitude. I will be forever grateful. My life is changed for the better. My heart is bursting from this blessing. I can once again shed tears of joy.

I consider myself most fortunate, to have been surrounded by so many friends and supporters. I know now more than ever that everything will be okay. I know that I do not walk alone. There are many who are willing to walk with me, carry me, support me, pray for me, and bless me. No matter the length of the journey, the depth of the pain and sorrow, I am not alone. Certainly, God is with me, but in times of trouble it is sure good to know that there are people who are willing to help, be with and provide support. I am feeling most blessed.

I was able to share my experience this last weekend during a reunion of my old support group. It was with this group that I first reconnected with my heart. I had been disconnected for years. It was because of this group that I am who I am today. This group was a place to share your heart and be fully known and accepted for who you are. Due to a number of circumstances we no longer meet. Each of us has gone our separate ways.

Having known true connection and belonging, I long for deep level ongoing connection, but not everyone shares this desire. I consider myself extremely fortunate to have been a member of this special group and for being placed where I am today.

I thank God that I can once again be connected and known where I am. I have a renewed sense of hope. I know that my journey is not over, it continues. My hope is that I can stay connected.

Please pray for wisdom and discernment as I prepare for my upcoming surgery,there is much to do and plan for. Pray for continued blessing, protection and provision. Pray that I will remain connected, soft and pliable.

Most gratefully, with a full and restored heart, Rick

have a time with God right now!

For those of you who sit at a computer and kill time, here's a sweet little website I found that guides you thru your quiet time. If you have 10 minutes, you can spend some time with God right now, sitting at the computer. Check it out. http://www.sacredspace.ie/

Daily Online Prayer

S A C R E D S P A C E

my thirsty little soul

In His grace God has met me in many ways since last week when I was feeling discouraged. One of those ways has been thru people, caring friends - how much I appreciate them. Another has been thru Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership by Ruth Haley Barton (she also wrote Sacred Rhythms and Silence and Solitude, both excellent reads). This has been in my pile of books-to-read since the summer, and since my soul was thirsty last week I picked it up. Here are some thoughts that encouraged me not to give in to denial, but to allow God into my "inner realities":

The soulful leader pays attention to such inner realities and the questions that they raise rather than ignoring them and continuing the charade or judging himself or herself harshly and thus cutting off the possibility of deeper awareness. Spiritual leadership emerges from our willingness to stay involved with our own soul . . .

What lies beneath the surface - of the ocean of our lives - really matters . . . what needs to be done in the deep interior places of our life is the most important work to be done right now.

In solitude we stop believing our own press. We discover that we are not as good as we thought but we are also more than we thought . . . If we stay in solitude long enough, we become safe enough with ourselves and with God to say, "Yes, this is who I am".

All we stand to lose is the false self - the adaptive behaviors that are ultimately in opposition to the life of love and trust and being led by God that our hearts long for. To give ourselves to this process, we must trust that our true self is hidden with Christ in God, to be revealed as God sees that we are ready to live into it.

That's only the first couple of chapters.

We all bring emotional baggage to our Christian lives. How good of God to love us and muddle through it with us.