processing the losses of life and relationship

During this time of year, I become increasingly more nostalgic. I think about how things used to be in my life. I look back on some of my past with fond memories; other parts of my life I’m not so happy with.

I think of friends, family, and events. I haven’t seen some of my family in years. Sometimes with families, something happens that causes a divide and misunderstanding. This results in certain family members no longer being included in family events. Years go by and the divide gets wider. As I think about it now, I no longer see or talk with more than half of my extended family.

I am trying to remember what happened, what caused these divides. To me, it really never makes sense. I’m not saying it does not mean something to the other parties involved. To me, it just does not seem to warrant an ongoing separation.

This sometimes happens with friends as well. At one time, I considered some of my friends very close, unfortunately I no longer communicate with some of them. Now, I wonder why, what happened? Did we just drift apart? Did our lives just suddenly become so different? Sometimes you just choose to disassociate.

Sometimes it is just time that divides us. Rather than getting together weekly or monthly we get together once a year, maybe for Christmas or birthdays. Or maybe we only see each other at significant life events, for me its funeral services.

It is only during this time of year that I recognize this. I wonder if it because of Christmas or the end of the year. Whatever the cause, I am in this mode again, looking back at some of the events of my life.

Maybe it’s the picture Christmas cards that I receive. Some families get larger and others smaller. Some families divide due to failed relationships. Some get smaller due to physical death.

I think that this is what I am feeling at the moment, the loss of some really close friends. I tend to be closer to friends than my family. When I lose a friend, it hurts me deeply. Yes, this is what I am feeling, the loss of some close friends.

Each year, it feels like I am losing more and more friends. Sometimes it is due to divorce, sometimes it is due to changes in church affiliation, sometimes it is due to misunderstandings.

I tend to have a smaller number of close relationships. So when I lose someone, it hurts me deeply. This past year is no exception. Due to a series of tragic events, I lost my support group. I did not realize it until just now.

Last weekend, we had a reunion. It had been over a year, since we last gathered as a support group. We got together once this year, to say goodbye to one of our members.

So, now I understand why I am feeling so sad and depressed. Last weekend’s gathering must have stirred up some old unresolved emotions. I began feeling the feelings, but I did not know why. Now I know I haven’t grieved the loss of my support group, not to mention the significance of a few of the members.

If you feel led, please pray for me as I process these losses in my life. Pray for the Lord to bless me with His peace and reassurance. Pray that I would know and experience His joy, grace and compassion. Thank you for your support and for listening, Rick