Let Go Trust God

A couple of weeks ago I shared my zipline experience at our All Church Retreat. God's teaching moment came when I had to let go of the rope in order for me to be able to flip upside down. Analogously, we have to let go of control and let God do His amazing work in us, through us, for us, in spite of us. (Let Go, Let God)

God is always giving me challenging situations to trust Him, but somehow that challenge seems so much greater when it involves loved ones.

I gave a description several blogs ago of a daily challenge in our lives and that is my special needs daughter, Lessa (In His Light). Long story short, Lessa has needed supplemental intravenous fluid feeding (via a surgically implanted catheter) for her nutrition and her vital fluids these last three years to sustain her health...her life. God has been healing her , decreasing her dependency on this medical treatment, and she is able to tolerate more of her nutrition and fluids from her stomach tube feedings. She has not needed routine IV fluids since mid October (Praise God!)

However, she is still subject to an unpredictable episode of sudden fluidloss (excessive vomiting or the other direction) . Then we hook her up to a liter of fluids, preventing a situation that can spiral downward quickly, and saving her (and us) a trip to the ER and possibly hospitalization.

Her doctor wants her off that IV line. Not because he's a meany...but because this cathether she has in her body is not only a life-line , but is also a risk factor for sepsis (blood infection). (This foreign object inserted into her veins serves as a "hotel" for random bacteria in our blood stream , shielding them from our natural immune system) . So, her doctor said, "You won't know if she can tolerate being without this line, unless you stop using the line". So I let go again. This time of a line that has held Lessa's safety.

I don't know if she will still have her fluid meltdowns. I don't know if we'll be in an ER again. All I know is...the one thing that I was able to use to have some sort of control over an emergency was no longer in my hands.

I hope for more days where she tolerates her normal stomach tube feedings, and less days that she loses fluids. I hope for more days she is perky , has good color, and is responsive to her surroundings, and less days she seems tired , listless, with shadows under her eyes. I hope she doesn't have a major fluid meltdown with nothing I can do to help her. I don't know what God has in store for Lessa. All I can do is believe He loves her even more than I and to entrust her into His care.

Thank you, God, for holding Lessa in your protective hands.

Blessings,
jane

happy thanksgiving, everyone!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

his love endures forever. (Psalm 107:1)

The Journey

Today as I was spending time with the Lord, He gave me a picture of this long winding dirt road. It was mostly straight with some sharp curves popping up every so often. As I was viewing this road the Lord took me on this journey and I soon realized it was "my road of life". I was traveling and remembering various moments through my childhood years, through my teens, young adult life, up to the present. It was a journey of the ups and downs of my life. The times I felt hurt and disappointment, but also times of experiencing joy and excitement as I traveled on this dusty road.

All during this time I saw the Lord walking right beside me, through all the pain and hurt as well as the good times and happiness. I suddenly sensed a peace that God was right there with me through all of my life's journey. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, but today I was truly thankful that the Lord was and is with me on my road of life. God was with me in the past, He's with me in the present and He'll be with me in the future.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38, 39)

Each of us are on this journey with God and may we all give "Thanks" to Him who is with us on a daily basis. Have a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving!

Blessings,
Ray

what am I thankful for?

I am thankful for the people that God has brought into my life. I am thankful for their kindness, generosity and compassion. I am thankful that they care about me and are willing to support me during this season of my life.

I am thankful that I have not been overlooked or forgotten. I am thankful that after many years of giving, caring for, carrying, supporting and being there for others, there are some who are willing to be here for me.

This comes at a good time, because lately I have been in more pain and I am feeling more and more fatigued. I have had to increase my pain medication. I have five levels of pain meds. Sunday, I had to go to level four. I was really out of it. I am still feeling some residual effects of the increased medication.

I am beginning to process all that I need to do prior to my upcoming surgery. Each day, I move forward by trying to complete one more thing on my to do list before surgery. My list is long and I am glad to have over a month to prepare.

I have a friend who had the exact same surgery last year that I will have. So, I have lots of inside information. I am being counseled to prepare sooner rather than later, to get a lot of my paperwork done now, to set up my advance directives, and complete appropriate insurance forms.

At last Friday’s small group meeting, we were asked to share what we were thankful for. Initially, I thought and felt that I had nothing to be thankful for. All I could think of was all of the pain, sorrow and suffering that I have had to endure this year. Then I realized that I am thankful for the people God has placed around me during this season of my life.

I am thankful for all of the support that I have received this last year. I am thankful for all the people who provided me with rides to my therapy sessions. I am thankful for the encouraging words of support that have been expressed. I am thankful for everyone who has committed to support me in prayer. I am most grateful for those who have fasted on my behalf. I am deeply appreciative of the generous hearts of those who have helped me through this tough time. I am thankful for those who are willing to support me after my surgery. I am thankful that I do not have to go through this alone.

I am thankful that Warren Sapp made it to the final three. I am thankful for e, j, m and s. I am thankful that God gave me a heart, I hope that one day I will be able to use it to the fullest. I am thankful that Christmas music is prevalent wherever I go. I am thankful that even in these trying circumstances, I have a roof over my head and food to eat.

All in all, I consider myself rather fortunate. I know that I know in my heart of hearts that I am not alone. I know that there are people that I can call upon when I am in need. All I have to do is reach out and receive.

With a very grateful and full heart, Rick

God thinks I'm beautiful!

Recently some conversations and events have dredged up old patterns of thinking. I could tell because my reaction was: I don't want to deal with this. I don't want to talk about this. I don't want to think about this anymore. That's my warning sign that it's important, it's bugging me a lot, but I just really want to go into denial and repression. So, I sat with God with it, and got to the point of recognizing the woundedness from the divorce. Again. I thought I was done with that. Oh, Lord, it's so discouraging that it keeps coming back. I want it to be over, don't you? Don't you get tired of me having to talk to you about this again?

So this morning I sat with God and prayed that wonderful question Ray taught us to ask: How do you see me, God? As I waited on Him, an annoying neighborhood dog started yapping, and I smiled and thought, Am I annoying like that, God? And I looked up in the direction of the yapping, and God said No, look there, that's how I see you - as I focused on the rosebush across the patio. It's beautiful right now, 6 or 7 pink buds just beginning to blossom. That just makes me start to tear up, that God sees me like that.

That rosebush is re-planted in a 5-gallon pot from its original 6 in pot, given to me 3 or 4 years ago by Diane when we were in the WOW small group. It's the only mini-rose I've ever had that survived my haphazard care. It nearly died several times in the hot West Covina summers because I forgot to water it, but when I pruned the dead branches it kept coming back. A few months ago it developed black spot, so now I check it regularly and remove any damaged leaves.

And that's how God sees me right now: a survivor, with residual damage, in need of regular care from my heavenly Gardener, but beautiful. The roses are blooming. I feel much better now. Being in God's presence does that.

God's Will

I love Bill Johnson's take on this subject.

The Will of God

What is God's will for my life? A common question no doubt... I've definitely asked it many a time. And sad to say, I don't have a complete answer and I probably never will. But honestly, I guess it wouldn't really do much good to know everything God's wants for my life. I'd never learn anything, and surely my faith would never grow. It'd just be walking a set path with no real reason to trust in God. Part of trust is not seeing...

Sometimes we view God as a crystal ball. "God, if I just pray enough or worship well or do enough things, then will you please let me know where I'll be on XY day?" And maybe he will reveal some of that, its not like He can't. But we're not in any position really to bargain with God. Its not like he NEEDS us to do something for him... God is the one to initiate, to invite, to call. And he wants us to trust him.

And I think we already know half of God's will, his desire for our lives. I personally believe that we stray from God's will - his desire - all the time... but God is a God of grace... "Yeah, I can work with these people. They're not a lost cause." Just look at who God is. Merciful. Just. Full of Grace. Ever loving. Reaches out to the lost. Reaches to the oppressed. Uses odd and unworthy people. Forgiving. One of CBC's old mottoes was "Turning hearts to Jesus and growing them in His likeness". I'm pretty sure God's will is growing and practicing his likeness. That will look different in every situation. There's no formula for doing these (other starting with trusting God). Life is a bouncing ball, going this way and that. We can't always keep up. but he can. We don't always have to see the future... sometimes just hang on.

This week, I was fuming while running errands because someone at the hardware store actually took something out of my hand and then took the other one on the shelf and I couldn't get it. Who does that right?! (yeah, I probably should have stuck up for myself). Anyways, I went to get a haircut afterwards and the wait was 25 minutes. So I sat down planning to just play games on my phone... but I felt that tug. I needed to pray. I didn't know this was coming. I hadn't prayed for God's will to be revealed or to have some crazy experience to make me pray. I just knew that God wanted me to spend a little time with him. And by the end of the prayer in the waiting room, I felt a lot better and knew that I could forgive.

When it was my turn, my barber started to chat about the economy. She told me that her boss had stopped allowing customers to pay tips with credit card... and by effect not all the customers were tipping if they didn't carry cash. I realized that tips probably constituted half her income, so this was a big problem, especially during this time. And she asked if I would write her boss to make a suggestion. Again, I didn't know ahead of time. But I know God wants me stand up for the marginalized. And here it was staring me in the face.

I still worry sometimes about my future... but not as much anymore. The will of God is to embody His likeness and character. I have to pray continually to work that in my life crowded already with my own stuff. But that life is about me... maybe when I pray.. I need to surrender more to Him.

Hawaiian turtles

I just returned from another Hawaii trip. One of my favorite activities is to see nature upclose and personal. I love to go whale watching, snorkeling and to different beaches where sea turtles can usually be seen. But one thing that has always fascinated me is to watch the green sea turtles. I watch as they come in close to the corral and then suddenly the waves come crashing in and pound them in the surf and up against the corral. It seems like such a hazardous place to hang out. The waves are relentless and toss them merciless again and again against the corral. I often wonder why they don't go somewhere where it is much safer and easier.

One of their daily routines you may witness is feeding. This is often the case during high tides, when they can reach the plants growing in very shallow water that they can’t quite get to when the tide is low. This is an important window of opportunity for them as they have only a few hours to ingest as much of the sun enriched vegetation as possible before it is again inaccessible. This is their job and they work hard at it. You can see just how serious they are as the waves lift them up, and then crash them onto rocks, while they just continue trying to graze as much as possible. As they are battered against the rocks, reef and sand, you begin to realize the importance of those cumbersome shells they lug around. When they have a good mouthful, they will settle back into more peaceful water to chew, swallow, and grab a breath of air, and then it is back into the surf. This is a never ending task, day after day.

As I watched this process I wondered how much of the high tide pressures I am willing to endure. Do I want to bail at the sign of the first pounding wave? Would I prefer to swim in calmer waters and yet in doing so I would lack the nutrional value for life. Is our Christian life much like the life of a turtle. We find ourselves thrown against the rocks again and again yet we are not crushed. We are renewed every morning. We endure the high tides for the beauty of the low tide. But all comes at a cost. A cost that Christ was willing to pay for me. Shouldn't I be willing to endure the pain and suffering for a season in order to experience all the beauty He has for me later? For I see but a glimpse and He sees the whole picture. May God reveal to you a glimpse of the beauty He has in store for you.

Aloha,

Evasia

Ho Ho Oy!

Christmas time is a time of peace on earth and good will toward men...unless I'm stuck in line at the malls! Then, I am neither in a peaceful mood nor do I have very much good will toward ..... anybody!

It's really all my doing, of course. I'll get distracted at the malls decked with glittery lights and decorations ...and the sales signs...and "buy one for me and one for you". Where'd all my money go? Or I may wait to shop at the last minute and then I'm frantically scrambling over the left-overs. But mostly, it's psychological turmoil because there are special people in my life I want to shop for, and I just don't always know what to get them!

I can't keep up with the trendy labels or latest games for the nieces and nephews or the technical toys for the young adult kids. Then I have my siblings who, just as baffled as I on what to get each other, find it easier not even to go there so we don't exchange. Then I have the parents....who have everything. Finally, I have the husband who doesn't ask for much, but I have no clue as to what on-line site to go to to shop for his very specific hobbies (which are kinda pricey!)

So, Christmas shopping can be very stressful for me. When I'm shopping, I'm worrying and guessing, and hoping there is still a selection to choose from, I have enough money to buy it, and that it will be something they would really like, or need or something that says how special they are to me.

Thank goodness God is not like me when it comes to Christmas shopping. When you think of it, He invented Christmas shopping. He gave the ultimate gift at that first Christmas. His Son. He knew way ahead of time what it was we needed. He carefully chose the best, the only, gift that would serve His purpose. He knew the cost and it didn't matter. He wanted to show us just how special we are, how much He loved us. And even more than we can ever show to our loved one, just how much we need this gift, because without it , we're eternally separated from Him.

So, when I celebrate Christ's birthday this year, I don't just see a baby in the manger receiving the gifts from the magi, I see the life of someone born specifically to save us. And I gratefully remember who is really receiving the gift at Christmastime.

Randy Travis aptly sums it up in his song, "The Gift":

He was the Son God sent to one and all

put on this earth to hang there on the cross

born to die so we could live

He had the birthday, we got the gift

On the Savior's birthday, we got the gift.

God bless,

jane

No Weapon

After reading Ray's post..."There was a ton of stuff on my mind and things that I needed to do, but not enough time to do them all. Does this kind of sound familiar with you also?"...

Embers

On Wednesday there were a lot of things on my mind. Mikey was sick on Tuesday, my father-in-law is battling lung cancer and was diagnosed to a very short period of time left to live. The fires that seemed like forever to put out from Montecito, Sylmar, Yorba Linda and Anaheim Hills were still blazing in some parts of the hillsides and the ashes from these fires were everywhere. There was a ton of stuff on my mind and things that I needed to do, but not enough time to do them all. Does this kind of sound familiar with you also?

As I was spending time with God and praying for all of the things that were happening, the Lord met with me and wanted me to rest and not worry about the tasks I needed to do. As I was resting in Him, I suddenly saw the flames of the horrific fires that were portrayed on television throughout the days and nights. The houses that were destroyed, the scores of people who lost their homes and everything that was precious to them (pictures, keepsakes, etc.) was gone. I started praying for all those who were evacuated and especially those who lost their homes and valuables.

The picture then shifted in my mind's eye to observing embers flying all around as the winds took them from one place to the next. The embers starting new fires in places miles from the original fire. The Lord then changed those fires into seeing His "Holy Fire" and all of us who are part of God's family becoming the small embers of His "Holy Fire". I know God longs for us to grow in intimacy with Him and wants us to be an intricate part of His "Holy Fire". By the wind of His Holy Spirit we could become His embers to flow wherever He desires us to land. We become em-blazed to reach people who might not know God or to allow Him to use us to help others become "on fire" for Him.

The fires and all disasters are devastating, but God is in control of all things and He oftentimes uses these disasters and circumstances to turn things around to bring about light and goodness from darkness and evil. As I was praying for more of Him, the Lord had me write these words. Just as He has given me these words, I pray that they would resonate with you as well . . .

May my embers glow so bright
May I be in Your eyes, a delight
Help me to excite others to see God's light
May my embers glow so bright

May my embers glow so bright
Lord take me to the highest of heights
And where I could fly with you my special kite
May my embers glow so bright

May my embers glow so bright
And with the strength of all my might
Hold onto You Lord, oh so tight
May my embers glow so bright

May my embers glow so bright
As I lay my head down this starry night
May my eyes gaze upon Your marvelous sight
May my embers glow so bright

Blessings,
Ray

reality sets in

I met with my neurosurgeon yesterday. I asked him and his assistant a myriad of questions, three pages worth. This was no casual meeting, usually my doctor’s appointments don’t last that long, this one was fairly lengthy; I was there about two hours. We concluded by scheduling a date for surgery, Tuesday, January 13, 2009.

I expect to be in the hospital for 3 to 5 days. Recovery will take a long time. Patience was stressed. I anticipate at least 90 days of disability. During that time, I will be at home recovering.

I am feeling a wide range of emotions; at one end I am relieved, at the other I am very concerned and quite fearful. I am relieved that finally I have a firm date for surgery. However, I am also fearful of the severity of the surgery. I completely trust my surgeon. He came highly recommended and is very capable.

When I asked about my surgery, I was shown an example of what my spine will look like after surgery. My disk at L4 (lower back) will be removed. In its place a bone graft will be inserted. A superstructure will be constructed at L4 to help support my spine. It is this superstructure that scares and intimidates me.

Two titanium rods will be secured onto my spine one on the left and the other on the right. These rods are at least 1/8 of an inch in diameter. These rods will be attached to the vertebrate above and below L4. Holes will be drilled in my spine at four points. Screws will be tapped into place, to secure four “clamps.” I have provided a picture that may help you see what my spine will look like. This depiction is not exactly what my superstructure will look like, but it is very close. Maybe this will help you understand my fear.

Please cover me and this process in prayer. Pray that God will bless me with His peace and rest. Pray that God will cover me with His hand of protection and provision. Pray that He will bless me with His reassurance that everything will be okay. Pray that I will approach my surgery with confidence and not fear. Pray that I will use my time between now and then to prepare my heart, soul, mind and spirit for what is to come. With a fearful heart, Rick

What walls need to be broken?

This morning I'm praying about the next message. Usually I work on a 3 week cycle that overlaps: 1 week prep (thinking, praying, studying the passage), 1 week writing, 1 week editing and practicing. The retreat kinda threw off my cycle. So, I started reading and thinking about the next passage yesterday - I only have 2 weeks to work on this message on Jericho and Rahab.
I kinda wanted to get into studying the passage, but got convicted that the prayer part is important and I shouldn't skip that.

So I sat in my garden this morning, anxious to get the prayer part out of the way and get to the "real" work (haha) of Bible study. I was thinking about walls (like in Jericho) and breaking down walls, and kept getting distracted by things in the garden, but sometimes those distractions are the things God uses to direct my prayer time. I kept noticing how many spiderwebs there are that I have never seen before - the clinging ashes made visible what used to be invisible. Hmm . . . what walls are invisible? Walls between people? Walls around people? Yesterday Bob came to our shepherds meeting and led us in writing an encouraging word for someone. God brought that to mind, and I thought about having everyone write an encouraging word during the service. (I know a lot of you hate that, when I make you do something!)

So then I came in and checked the blog and read Bob's post (below) and in the first sentence he writes about going "outside the church walls" (there's that word, walls) and that piques my interest. And then he writes all about overcoming fear and giving an encouraging word. Is that confirmation or something? I will continue to be praying as I study.

Step out of the boat Armadillo Man!

Barry calls me "Armadillo Man", because I talk about Bill Johnson's method of praying to the sick outside the church walls... giving encouraging words to strangers at the mall, but rarely act upon doing it because of fear. It is true... actually, I have a hard time giving encouraging words to people at church... fear, rejection and feeling inadequate come to mind... then he always tells me... if your like that I'm pill bug man... and if I'm like that, how do you think the others in our church feel? So true... sigh.
This past Saturday I had a break through experience (on the Cafe Fuego blog) and I felt really good... God had given me a special anointing.
After the meeting I went out to go for a walk and eat at Jack's for breakfast with Gary... as we were walking I told him what happened to me this morning at prayer... I shared with him about how I wanted to be able to step out and heal people in natural settings... when we got there the hostess put us right next to a man in a wheelchair... at that moment I knew I was supposed to pray for him... I started to sweat and feel weak... armadillo man began to want to hide... here was an opportunity for me to act on what Bill Johnson talked... I told Gary and he looked at me and tells me to go ahead and do it... my head and heart are pounding... I edged out and took a drink... stop and asked Gary what I should say to the family... "just tell them your a Christian and you felt like God wanted you to pray for him..." simple... I thought, that's why God gave me that special "anointing"... He knew I would need it in order to break through my fear of approaching strangers outside of the safety of a church setting... my first one to pray for on my own in a natural setting that was not part of a planned outreach... that's if Armadillo Man actually peeks out of the shell and goes over there... I edged out of my seat and stop... took another sip of my coke... the caffeine should help... Gary smiles and says... "Hey, the worst thing they could say is no thanks and your can sit down and eat breakfast in peace." So true... I edged out as far as my butt could go without falling off the seat, take one last sip... I rehearse what I was going to say... Gary's praying for me... I am out of the boat! As I stand there is no going back now... I walk over to the family... I tell them I'm a Christian and if it would be O.K. to pray for the man in the wheel chair... they don't speak English! But the woman says she will ask the man... they speak in Korean... they tell me they are strong Christian and wonder if I am a minister... I tell them I am a lay person... they look disappointed... undeterred I prayed that God's kingdom would come in this man's life and heal him...my prayer was short and simple... I asked if he could do anything he couldn't before... he smiled and said no... no matter... I felt really really good... you would have thought I would be discouraged that the man did not get out of his wheelchair and walk... I got out of the boat and did the will of God, prayed that the man would see heaven on earth in his life... I was glad "armadillo man" peaked his head out of his shell and did what Jesus would have done... my breakfast tasted real good that morning... better than it usually did... baby steps...
Smell the coffee!

Like our fathers (or mothers, or parents)

At Fuller, I've been taking a class called Pastoral Counseling and Family Therapy. We study family systems in counseling and figure out ways to minister and heal broken families. One of the big things that has come up is how like our parents we are. We all know that we have things that we do that are exactly the same things our parents did (whether we like it or not!). Sure we try to escape some of these things ("I'll never be like my mother!") but there are some things which we just can't escape sometimes.

I was driving home on the 5 south from Los Angeles to Orange County. The fires were (and are) raging and the Brea fire is actually only 15 minutes from my parent's place. I get a call from my dad. He urges me to come home quick, grab a tank of gas, clear my trunk, and help watch the fire (I'm not positive what he meant by "watch" the fire). Admittedly, I was a little annoyed. I was thinking, "you don't need my help to watch the fire." And I'm pretty sure, it was just the desire to have me home just in case something needed doing and to have the family closer together. But I realized after I hung up the phone that I do that too. When there's a crisis or problem, I, like my dad, go into "crisis mode". We suddenly get really army sergeant like and bark out orders to rally the troops to solve the problem. We make lists and think of escape routes and probably end up buying a lot of equipment. But we both do that, I don't know how I inherited it from my dad... just being around him growing up and watching him probably sparked that in me. We become like our parents in many ways.

But wouldn't it be great if we could inherit the traits of our heavenly Father? Maybe the principle is rather similar... maybe you need to grow and watch Him work, read stories about Him (the Bible) and it'll start to grow on you. Intimacy and admiration grow with observation and participation. "Working with someone can turn you into a fan." And I find that meditating and praying on those things to inherit from God brings peace.

For who is God? God is one with compassion, God acts on behalf of the poor and oppressed, God is the one who hears people's prayers and cries, God is the one who understands and sympathizes, God is the one who loves and saves, God is the one with patience and forgiveness, God is filled with grace.

I'm sure we're all lacking in some or all of those... I know I am. So maybe we need to spend some time with our Father, watching how He works. I'm not necessairly talking "Quiet Times" or "Devos", but however you spend time with God, let's make it a point to do so. Maybe he'll rub on us... wouldn't it be great to hear, "You're just like your Father"

Let Go -- Let God

I like to zip! Zipline , that is. The last time I zipped was about three years ago in Whistler , Canada where I did a Rainforest tree hike and got to zip off five different tree platforms. It was exciting and peaceful at the same time. The scenery was beautiful and the "ride" was exhilarating and quiet except for the whirring of the zip wheel rolling over the cable line. I learned how to speed up, slow down, lie horizontal and torpedo across the air. The best part of the zipping was learning how to zip upside down, hanging my head straight down with my legs up wrapped around the connecting line from my harness to the zip cable. Very cool!

At CBC's retreat this last weekend, ziplining was a featured recreation, so I jumped at the chance to try it again. I had forgotten how to do some of the moves, and we were only going to get to do one zip across. So, I decided I wanted to flip upside down.

After I was harnassed up, the zipline staffer at the top of the platform went through his standard explanation of what I was supposed to do, and told me I could hold onto this excess line if I wanted to do something with my hands (or just to feel safer even though the line didn't control anything) . I told him I wanted to turn over in mid-zip. So he told me I could start zipping across, then kick up my legs to wrap around the connector line and extend upside downward.

Off I zipped. I was comfortably gliding across the air, "sitting" in my harness, my hands tightly holding on to the excess harnass line. I evened myself facing the connecting line from harness to cable. I was holding onto the excess line with both my hands, ready to let go as soon as I got my legs wrapped around the connecting line.

I started swinging my hanging legs forward and back like a pendulum to get momentum enough to kick them up. Like a child on a swing, ready to jump off at the high point, I kicked my feet up in front of me as hard as I could. Ugh! I could only reach my legs up to waist high. I ramped up again. Kick! I could still only reach up to my waist. One more time. Kick! Ouch, I wrenched my back. I certainly was not the agile gal of my youth. But certainly it shouldn't be that hard to kick my legs up!

Why couldn't I get my legs high enough to wrap around the connecting line .....because my arms were still hanging onto the excess harnass line. My legs wanted to go forward and up, but the rest of my body wasn't moving backward and down. I wanted to hold on until my legs were safely in place before I would let go of the line. THAT was the problem. I was fighting against myself!

Isn't that how we are in our trust in God? We want Him to do amazing things in our lives, but we don't let go of the things that fight against that. God wants us to move forward in the plan He has for our lives, but we hold onto our own way of doing things, the safe things, the familiar, that prevent us from experiencing the abundance of life led by God.

We want God to fix our hurting relationships. But we hang onto our own pride or hurt feelings that prevent us from extending the grace or forgiveness that begins the healing. We want God to change our station in life, but fear having to try something new, risky, daring, or outside our comfort zone. We want to reach our maximum potential , but we play it safe because we fear possible failure. We want to trust God in everything for our lives, but settle for the world's definition of success, or seek the addictions in our lives to fill the void or dissatisfactions in our hearts.

Back on the zipline, after I let go of the line, I was able to lean backward. Adding a little kick of my feet, I was suddenly able to wrap my legs around the connecting line upside down. Whoo-hoo! what a ride! And a whole lot easier!

If we want to experience the ride of a lifetime, the one God has so perfectly planned for us, we have to let go of the reins to let Him reign. Let Go and Let God!

jane

Blessed

Early this morning as I was getting ready to come to work I was thinking about the economy, businesses going under, people losing their jobs and homes. Then this question came to me, "God with all this going on who is really blessed"?

This morning as I sat with the Lord during our FLOW meeting, I asked this question was once again as I was praying and immediately the Lord spoke and the Beatitudes came to mind found in Matthew 5.

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure at heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of God.
Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

I meditated on each verse and then started praying one verse at a time for those who are poor in spirit, mourning, meek, hunger and thirst of righteousness, merciful, pure at heart, peacemakers, etc.
As I was praying, some people came to mind who were dealing with some of these things in their lives I lifted each one to the Lord. I also lifted up in general those of you who are reading this right now and are dealing with one or more of these things. Rest assured that you were also prayed for this morning and the Lord knows exactly where you're at. His peace, love and joy will fill you if you allow Him to come into your life by the love, grace, mercy and power of the Holy Spirit.

May the Lord touch you this day and may He bring you peace, love, joy and restoration to your body, soul and spirit.

God Bless,
Ray

be careful of what you wish for, you might get it

On Thursday, October 30, I met with a pain management specialist. After I explained my situation, the pain management specialist agreed that back surgery was an option for me. She indicated that she would submit a second request to my insurance company asking that I consult with a spine specialist.

My pain management specialist cautioned me that there were no guarantees that surgery would be successful. One of three things could happen, I could get better, I could stay the same or I could get worse. I knew all of these things before, but now they are more of a reality for me.

Last Friday, November 7, I received approval to see a neurosurgeon. I thought that I would be happy, glad, elated. Yet, I find myself filled with mixed emotions. I’m feeling validated, relieved, and a bit anxious and worried.

I have been pressing forward towards surgery for months, during the process it all seemed like a distant possibility. Now it’s a greater, eminent reality. And I am beginning to feel the emotions of that reality. I know in my head that God is in control. I know in my head that all of this is a part of His grand plan, but in my heart I’m not as sure. Don’t get me wrong, I want be sure. I want to be confident, but I think my heart is playing catch up. I know in my head to trust the Lord, but my heart is unsettled.

During this season, God has used many people to help transform me. He is using my circumstances to mold and make me into who He wants me to become. This last weekend, He spoke to me through various people. On Saturday, I attended a dinner celebration for a friend’s 50th birthday. During the festivities, the birthday girl gave me a gift, a verse and a word. Zephaniah 3.17, The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.

She is a doctor and knows my situation, she has been instrumental is providing medical direction. Next week, I will consult with a neurosurgeon that she highly recommends. After sharing the verse with me, she cautioned me to know, internalize, realize and live out this verse prior to my surgery. Her word to me, do not fear, do not be anxious, trust in the Lord (easy for her to say, she’s not the one having surgery).

Just prior to that, a missionary to China shared with me something that God had put upon his heart. He (God, through the missionary) wanted me to trust in Him, to be reassured that everything was going to be okay. This is the second time I met this missionary. My first encounter was in a Smart and Final a few years ago, after he found out about my back, he shared that he had experienced various levels of physical healing the in mission’s field. He wanted to pray for me. So, literally in the middle of the entrance aisle to Smart and Final he prayed for God to heal me, there was no hiding from God or from people.

I share all of this to include you in my process. Through the events of the last few weeks, I am more aware that I am not alone. It has been my desire to let people in, to let people know what I am going through and how I can be supported. I have received much, from many, for which I am deeply grateful.

If you have it in you, please pray for me. Pray that the Lord would touch and heal my body, soul, mind and spirit. Pray that He would use the skills of medical professionals to restore my physical health. Pray for financial restoration and blessing. Pray that the Lord would pour into and over me more of His assurance, rest, and peace. Pray that I would be filled to overflow and be transformed by His love, grace, mercy and compassion. Gratefully, Rick

post retreat musings

It was a good retreat weekend. Someone asked me towards the end of the weekend if I had a good time, and I realized that I don't evaluate the retreat that way. For me, it's kind of a working weekend, and my whole focus is on whether everyone else is having a good time, and doing what I can to make that happen (disclosure: yes, I am co-dependent!). So, I think everyone was blessed, and that made it a blessing for me. There's a real sense of satisfaction looking out over that last session and watching people worship and interact and knowing they have experienced God in real ways. That's my answer to prayer.

I've been looking through the evaluation forms, and it looks like the best part of the weekend for a lot of people was: small groups, speaker, fellowship, worship, and paintball. Yes, paintball. One of the evaluation forms said the way to get more people to come next year was by "telling them how much closer you can draw to God and how much fun paintball is." :)

God can use anything!

the retreat is almost here!

I'm into retreat mode now, having a hard time concentrating on my homework from school, sermon prep, etc. So much time, prep, energy, effort goes on for months, and then it's compressed into one quick weekend. I'm counting on God to make it worthwhile, to draw the people who come deeper into His presence and to make His presence known in our fellowship, growing our faith in Him, our love for one another, and our hope for whatever is going on in our lives. I have big hopes and prayers for this weekend.

One of the things Eileen noticed as she was working on small groups was that there are a lot of college and career aged young people coming. They are excited to see and hear Erik again, and I am excited at the opportunity. This could be a weekend of polarization, division, and us (old or older folk) versus them (whippersnappers). But the Spirit is going to be there in our midst, and I think there is a huge opportunity for us to grow together as a church family, to bridge generational gaps, and to get to know people we wouldn't ordinarily see or talk to. If you're coming to the retreat, I hope you will sit at meals and meetings with people you don't know and talk to them and really listen and care and get to know them and make new friends. Don't be clique-y! And if you're not coming, pray for us.

Seek God First

Sometimes it's hard to focus on God when there are so many things that occupy our time each day. Work, school, family, friends, hobbies, bills to pay, chores that need to be done, etc., etc. These are the things we usually focus on most throughout the day and we really don't allow God to fit into any of "our space". We often times try to fit God into any spare space we've got but He's often times more of an afterthought and/or an urgent thought if something goes wrong.

Today this passage came to mind: (Matthew 6:28 -34) "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, `What shall we eat?' or `What shall we drink?' or `What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Both you and I need to seek after God first and not to be so concerned about those things that occupy most of our time. Please don't get me wrong; all of these other things are important and needs to be taken care of, but we need to seek God first and He will take care of the rest. Pray daily to our Heavenly Father and seek after His face. He knows exactly what you and I are going through and need, so go to the only source that can give us love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. God is great and He loves us more than we could ever imagine!

Blessings,
Ray

Battle in Kitchen Stadium... was it just a dream?

This morning I had a dream... I was looking through a window into our church service... what looked to be a friend, stood up in service and began to shake his hands and scream... he seemed out of control and wanted to worship God... he became "uncorked" and moved forward to the front of the sanctuary... but instead of walking he had to use a walker because he appeared to be crippled... I thought it strange because this friend of mine was not crippled(but religion spiritually crippled him). Than after he went forward and knelt down unashamed... other unknown old men began to get up out of their seats and kneel in the front of he sanctuary for the same thing my friend wanted. Until half the seats were empty! The feeling I got was tradition be damned... long live new wine!
What I realized after the dream was all the congregation was men... old men... traditionalists... in their 60's, 70's, and 80's... they were all becoming like Fuego Bob!... and I woke up.
I felt like I was supposed to intercede for our church and for my close friends who embrace the traditions of the 40's, 50's, 60's. 70's, 80's, and 90's... and to let go and move forward to what is happening in the present... (that is what the "old" men represented).
What is significant is that they were all men...
As I shared my dream with Nancy, she reminded me of the dream I had while I was up in Redding...
I had dreamed that David Hogan was advising me about my "mountains" in my life... which he promptly told me just to walk around them...
Then he shared with me my life... he said,"The difference between you and me is that I'm like the Iron Chef and my sons are the sous chefs, and you are watching us on TV... and another thing is that you are having women do what men are supposed to be doing...he continued to say that... "you need to get the strongest men and the strongest sons to do battle... Get out of your lounge chair and get into kitchen stadium and start cooking!"...
I never thought about it but it's true... when Greg came to cafe Fuego this past Saturday he thought it was a womens group meeting...

This morning I emailed to Evasia:

I got a neat dream this morning... I think I'm supposed to put together a men's seminar or something like that to empower them to replace what was lost during the war.

Bob

Then Evasia wrote back:
Hi Bob and Ellen, It looks like God is speaking to you guys the same thing. Weird.

Evasia,

I have been having thoughts about how to encourage the men to be active in leadership. One idea is to put together a one day men's conference.

Do you think the men would be open to that?

~Ellen

Whoa... that was weird... too coincidental not to be a God thing... so now I am thinking I want to do something with the men in our church and surrounding churches to break down the traditions and set them free.
Ellen volunteered to make the food... that's a great start!
I am going to ask some men that have told me that they were interested in starting something like that... It never interested me until this morning... maybe this is the hour for the men in our churches to rise up and take up our swords that we are responsible for.
Maybe it's time for me to get off the couch and into kitchen stadium to do battle... Ale Cuisine!

feeling loved, cared for and nurtured

Last week, I went to my pain management session. I filled out their numerous forms and once again shared the details about the situation with my spine. Fortunately, the doctor evaluating me was sympathetic to my circumstances. She agreed to submit another request for me to see a neurosurgeon. I told her that my primary care physician had made a request for me to see a spine specialist and that request was denied. She said that her requests are never denied. I said, “We’ll see”.

After explaining that Vicodin does nothing to relieve my pain, she prescribed a more potent form of pain medication. I once again thought to myself, we’ll see if this new pain med is effective. To help eliminate my pain, she will also submit a request for me to undergo a procedure that will deaden some of the nerves in my back. I am a bit apprehensive about this procedure, I wonder, will it work and if so for how long. Once again, we’ll see.

Even though I am still unresolved, I am feeling a bit more optimistic. I recognized that I am back in another holding pattern; I will need to wait another two weeks for these requests to be reviewed by my insurance company. But at least I have another med to possibly help take the edge off of my pain. Hopefully in the next two weeks, I will receive some good news from my insurance company.

I am more hopeful for other reasons. I am feeling a greater sense of being seen, heard, and understood. I am feeling more supported, cared for and nurtured. How did this happen?

I’m not sure how, but I have been included on at least one prayer list (outside of CBC). I am blessed to know that there are people praying for me, fasting, petitioning and interceding on my behalf.

People are also willing to take the time to pray for me in person. A few weeks ago, an entire small group asked if I would be willing to receive prayer. What a tremendous blessing that was to get in the center of their group and receive ministry though prayer. The Holy Spirit was present in an intense and almost tangible manner.

I have been fortunate enough to receive prayer on Sundays after service. Some of our youth have been included in this time of prayer ministry.

Another small group has been praying for me on an ongoing basis. This Sunday, I received a card from them with kind words of encouragement, care and support. I continue to feel like the man in the Gospel account of being carried by his friends in the stretcher. After Jesus healed him, He said that it the faith of the man’s friends that healed him.

Even though I have been feeling discouraged, disappointed and depressed, my friends continue to carry me. They continue to pray for me. They pray when I can no longer pray for myself. They carry me when I can no longer walk. Even in my darkest hours, as I sometimes feel so very alone. I am not alone. My friends are near, my friends are interceding, my friends hold me up. I may feel alone, but I am not. I am surrounded by faithful care givers.

If you are a part of my support system, thank you. Thank you for being here when I need it most. Thank you for your care and concern. Thank you for extending to me your love, grace, mercy and compassion. Thank you for all the ways you have cared for and supported me. Because of you, my heart is feeling more restored and my soul is feeling more renewed.

Most gratefully, Rick

Google It!

When I was growing up, I was kind of nerdy. I loved to sit reading ... the encyclopedia. Now, I'm not a brainiac or anything. I didn't read things cover to cover. I was just curious. It was so cool that I could flip through the pages (yes, I grew up in the era when the encyclopedia was still in a set of books, not CD or internet), stab at a place on a random page, and read about the topic I landed on .

Nowadays, I Google it! Google is an amazing thing. If I want to find out something about history, I Google it. If I want to know about an important person, I Google it. If I want to get advice on what to do about a problem, how to live a healthier life, how to deal with relationships, I Google it. If I want to find directions on getting somewhere, I Google it. If I want to know something about anything in the whole universe (well, cyberspace, anyway), I can just Google it. If I want to get into a conversation with others of like mind (or not), I can Google it. If I even want to tell others what I think about something (like on this blog), I can just Google it . Seems I could get through life pretty easily with my handy dandy computer and Google.

Hmmmm, but not quite.

As expansive as cyberspace is, as resourceful as cyberspace is, as comprehensive as cyberspace is......it can't guarantee a relationship with Someone even bigger, the God of our universe.

Oh, I can get some pretty solid information that can encourage my faith. I can even meet some pretty cool people through cyberspace...people who may actually become my friends and care about me. I can even "attend" church through cyberspace.

But nothing Google can offer compares to that personal relationship we can have, one-on-one, with our God who loved us enough to give His Son on the cross; who desires to be with us all the time ; who knows every detail about our lives, our thoughts, our worries, our needs, our struggles, our darker side; and has a plan and spiritual journey for each and every one of us. Nothing Google can offer compares to the intimate, safe, nurturing, healing time we can have through prayer, listening to Him, reading His Word, worshipping Him, even arguing with Him, and sensing His Spirit through the knowledge, faith, and conviction that He loves us so unconditionally and unselfishly and patiently. Google can't do that.

So, the next time you want to find out about some pretty important historical events (and amazingly related to current events) , and you want to meet some pretty important people, and you need some advice on how to live healthier lives or have healthier relationships, or you need some direction for your life, and you want to have conversations with people of like faith or be able to share your faith with others who don't , or you just need to be able to share what is on your mind and heart or you just need to be loved....don't Google it...."God it" first! He's less than a click away!



God bless,

jane

Thoughts on Prayer

I used to ask myself "Why Pray?" The answers to this are many and a lot of them have been covered in many sermons and books. But there are a seemingly endless supply of questions related to prayer. "Doesn't God already know what I'm going to pray? So why pray?" "If God has already determined what He'll do (has He?), why bother?" "What if I pray for something that God doesn't want?" "Does God really care?" etc.

At the risk of sounding overly simplistic, it all boils down to trusting God. Do we actually trust him for our needs? Do we actually trust him to listen? And we all have to admit it can be tough to trust sometimes (or a lot of the time).

That's where I find myself a lot. I don't trust him fully. And of course it is a process and we may not get to 100% in our lifetime. But I learned something that warped the way I thought about prayer and subsequently I was able to trust God more. And it was, as the Gospel should be, good news.

We know that Jesus, according to Hebrews, experienced all the temptations that we did, yet was without sin. And that's something that is hard to fathom. We forget sometimes that Jesus was human. God brought himself low by the Incarnation. He came to be with us and connect with us. God desires to connect with us, to get to know us. Good news #1! Because Jesus lived the human life, he knows what we're going through and can relate. Good news #2!

Jesus, I firmly believe, was in constant prayer, constant communication with the Father. His entire life was a mission of prayer. This creates constant and full trust, full communion, and subsequently, obedience. One might say that Jesus was the fullest humanity possible. And so we see that it is possible! Jesus is the model! It is possible! Good news #3! (I know that sounds tough and we may not live up to that standard... but that's what grace is for! uh.... good news 3.5!). We see the fullest example of Jesus' life of prayer at Gethsemane. The human will is fighting the divine will (Let this cup pass from me!) yet Jesus prays for strength and humbles his own will to the divine (Yet not as I will, but what you will). It is prayer that will strengthen us.

After his death and resurrection, we are given the Holy Spirit, Jesus' spirit if you will. And we are told that He is constantly praying for us. God is our intercessor.... to God! Let's face it, we're sinners, we're unholy, we're unworthy and so are our prayers. But it is because of God's awesome grace that we can communicate with Him. Jesus acts as a conduit for our prayers as the human Jesus, the holy one, is the one who can send our prayers to God. God prays for us to God. That's why when we pray to God or Jesus or Heavenly Father or however you start your prayers, we know we have a God that connects with us, knows what we've been through, that wants to listen and is praying for us! Good news #4!

When I learned all this, I realized there is so much more to be thankful for in prayer. It is an invitation to participate. It is a lesson in humility before God. It increased my faith and trust (Yeah, I'll trust someone who wants to get to know me, can relate to me, and would die for me... sounds like a good buddy to me!). When I pray now, I imagine Jesus praying right there with me, rooting me on, mourning with me, grieving with me, taking joy with me. Its rather sobering and encouraging all at the same time.

So when you finish your prayer "In Jesus' name" know that it truly is in Jesus' name. The name of the one who saved you, came down to meet you, loves you, cheers for you, mourns with you, takes joy with you, and prays for you. Why pray? You have a partner who wants you to join Him!